Modern Motherhood Musings

You’re reading Modern Motherhood Musings, a weekly newsletter written from one mom to another. Each week I share an honest reflection on motherhood, and a collection of things bringing me joy. I’m passionate about community, and I hope that by sharing our stories, we all feel a little less alone.

📝 This week’s musing…

My son came home with a note from school last week. He hadn’t been listening to his teachers, and was struggling to keep his hands to himself.

As a parent, nothing can make you feel like a failure faster than your child being reprimanded. It feels like it’s a direct representation of what you are or aren’t doing right, and I think as mothers we tend to carry the weight of this guilt.

As soon as I got the note from school I started thinking about all of the things I had done wrong, and blaming myself for his recent behavior.

“I have to work while a nanny raises my kids. He’s seeking attention and that’s why he’s being bad.”

“I yelled at my husband in front of my kids last week. He’s learning these bad behaviors from me.”

On and on we go, searching for the root of the problem and blaming ourselves, when so many times it’s just kids being kids.

And the hard thing is, it’s so easy to compare our kids to everyone else’s. It’s so easy to judge the small glimpses we see on social media and tiny moments we’re together in real life.

“They sat so patiently at dinner, they have such good kids.”

“They’re standing there smiling so nicely for the picture. Why can’t I ever get my kids to do that?”

We don’t hear from the parent whose kid bit someone at school this week, or about the morning tantrum over not wanting to get dressed. We’re not witnessing the meltdowns over leaving the park, or the 17,000 times they got out of bed last night before finally falling asleep.

Children are humans too. And yes, we do our best to teach, and model, and parent, but we can’t force them to do a certain thing or act a certain way any more than we can force the adults sitting next to us. Especially toddlers.

It’s exhausting, and deflating, and just really hard. Some days their little feelings are so big and so unexplainable that you have no choice but to hug them real hard and love them through it.

Some days you’re praying “Jesus take the wheel!” while counting down the seconds until bedtime so you can enjoy a few minutes of peace before the next battle begins.

and then…

They squeeze your neck and give you the wettest sloppiest kiss on the cheek as they run out the door in the morning screaming “Have a great day mama!”.

or, they come sit in your lap and bring you their favorite book, the one you’ve read to them over and over since the day they were born.

and your heart just melts.

The next time we see a kid who’s struggling just a little bit, let’s change the narrative from “What a bad kid!” to “There’s another toddler being a toddler!” and maybe offer that mama a margarita. I’d be willing to bet she’s running through all the things she did wrong, when really, we’re all doing the best we can.

If you’ve had a day, or a week, or even a season of parenting that’s felt hard, just hear that you’re not alone. Hang in there mama. I’m told the days are long, but the years are short.

✨ Friday favorites…

 👗 I took this Jumpsuit on our trip to DC and someone said “you’re joking!” when I told them it was from Old Navy. The fit is flattering, easy to throw on, and so comfortable, and the linen is substantial yet breathable.

👙 If you’ve been wondering if the Cakes sticky bra works, I’m here to tell you that it does. Time to kiss your old uncomfortable strapless bra goodbye.

📚 I just finished reading Crying in H Mart and I can’t recommend it enough. It’s a beautiful and heartbreaking memoir about a mother-daughter relationship, and the impact of love, loss, and cultural history in our lives.

👯‍♀️ From one mom, to another…

Your words of wisdom, best piece of advice, and favorite hacks can make a difference in another mom’s journey. What has helped you survive this season? Email me to be featured in an upcoming newsletter.

Thank you for reading this week’s edition of Modern Motherhood Musings. If you enjoyed it, it would mean a lot to me if you’d forward it to another mama.

Happy Friday, friends!