Asking for What You Need, in Motherhood and Life
Vol. 1, No. 22
You’re reading Modern Motherhood Musings, a weekly newsletter written from one mom to another. Each week I share an honest reflection on motherhood, and a collection of things bringing me joy. I’m passionate about community, and I hope that by sharing our stories, we all feel a little less alone. Disclosure: Some links in this newsletter are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support!
📝 This week’s musing…
One of the things I’ve gotten better at as I’ve matured in my career is using my company benefits - taking my allotted time off, maximizing my 401K contributions (if only I had done this when I first joined the workforce) and more recently, taking advantage of my company’s mental health coaching benefits.
I’ve been focusing on a topic with my mental health coach that is so applicable to motherhood, I wanted to share it with you all here.
We’ve been working through the concept of asking for what we need.
As moms, we’re predisposed to be caregivers by nature. We constantly put everyone else’s needs first, often to the detriment of our own. Often I've been left depleted at the end of the day, thinking, “I take care of everyone else, but who’s taking care of me?”
If you’re a caretaker by nature, you may also have a hard time asking for help or speaking up for what you need because you’re afraid to sound selfish or needy. But, as I’ve learned through my coaching, asking for what you need is actually the more loving thing to do.
How many times have you found yourself grumbling while unloading the dishwasher or annoyed while you fill out another form for school? When we don’t speak up, anger and resentment build until we blow up and create a stressful environment for everyone around us, many times affecting those we love most.
My coach has told me to treat moments of anger or resentment like a “hot stove”. When I get angry, I need to stop and think through the situation. What made me angry? What could I have done ahead of time to ask for help, or where could I have been more clear about my needs?
If I notice what those triggers are, I can become better at speaking up preemptively, therefore avoiding the “hot stove” the next time.
What would speaking up about what you need look like in your own life? You may need one morning a week to yourself, where you can drink coffee and catch up on your favorite book before wrangling kids. Or, having your needs met might mean prioritizing your favorite workout class or declining a party invitation because you’re feeling overstretched.
It’s counterintuitive because it feels selfish, but the best way to create a loving environment in our home is to be very clear about what we need. Our spouses and partners won’t have to be mind-readers, and with a full cup, we can continue to pour out to all those who rely on us.
I’ve been listening to the Audiobook version of Rising Strong by Brene Brown, and she goes more in depth regarding this topic, I definitely recommend it.
What’s something you need that you’ve felt selfish asking for? Have the brave conversation this week. It’s the most loving thing you can do.
✨ Friday favorites…
🍿 If you’re looking for a movie to watch this weekend, I’d recommend Hit Man on Netflix. I had low expectations based on the preview, but ended up loving it, and Glen Powell was absolute perfection in this role.
👩🏻🍳 We tried this method for grilling corn on the cob last weekend and I can safely say we’ll never grill corn another way again. It came out perfectly steamed and was so easy to shuck (which is half the battle anyway).
💄 I love this affordable retinal night serum from MAELOVE. I use it nightly and finish with a layer of my favorite moisturizer, and I’ve really noticed a difference in my fine lines and dark spots. With anything though, consistency is key.
👯♀️ From one mom, to another…
Your words of wisdom, best piece of advice, and favorite hacks can make a difference in another mom’s journey. What has helped you survive this season? Email me to be featured in an upcoming newsletter.
I stack my kids sheets. If they have an accident in the middle of the night I remove the sheet and mattress cover, and another layer is underneath.
Annabel L. - Houston, TX
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Happy Friday, friends! I hope you have a great weekend!
this absolutely!! just taking the shower you need is important alone time.