I Can't Get Rid of the Baby Clothes

Vol. 1, No. 15

You’re reading Modern Motherhood Musings, a weekly newsletter written from one mom to another. Each week I share an honest reflection on motherhood, and a collection of things bringing me joy. I’m passionate about community, and I hope that by sharing our stories, we all feel a little less alone.

📝 This week’s musing…

I don't hold onto things by nature—quite the opposite. I'm a compulsive tosser. The second I start to feel stressed out or overwhelmed, I walk around the house with a trash bag, looking for anything I can purge. So it's bizarre that I can't bring myself to get rid of any of the boys' baby clothes.

Piled high in our attic are bins packed full of every sock, PJ, onesie, and blanket that both boys used when they were babies. I know they're just things, but all my first moments of motherhood are woven into the fabric of those clothes.

Clothes were the first gifts that so many friends and family gave us. They symbolized the babies we had prayed for and the hopes and dreams we held for our new growing family. Those little clothes represented the start of our next chapter in life.

When we suspected Will might arrive early, my mom showed up with a mountain of preemie clothes. She washed and hung each piece to dry while anxiously praying for him to delay his arrival just a little bit longer.

One of the few things I could control when Will was in the NICU was what he wore. I took so much pride in changing his outfit each day, sliding his frail little body in and out, nervous I'd hurt him or mess something up.

I remember the onesies that Henry wore while I rocked him countless sleepless nights as he battled reflux. The first bottle, the first middle of the night shift when it was just the 2 of us, the first tears and the first giggles, every single article of clothing holds a memory.

I dealt with blowouts, and throw up, and countless outfit changes after they tried their first foods. I remember the outfit they wore when we took our first outing solo, braving this new world together. I learned about motherhood through those clothes, patiently putting two little arms and two little legs into those onesies while they wriggled and screamed.

If I hold them up close, I can still smell that sweet newborn scent that I never want to forget.

I looked over at Will the other night and hardly recognized the boy sitting next to me. He's older, growing more independent, and needing me less and less each day. It's as if by hanging onto the onesies, I can hang on to that little version of him. They’re a reminder of how far we've come and how much we've learned - together.

Every so often, a friend announces she's expecting a new baby, and Brandon patiently climbs into the attic and pulls down every single bin for me. I sort through each piece, reliving the memories one by one, and pick a few to give away as hand-me-downs.

It gives me so much joy to watch these new babies in our world wear something that holds so many memories and to watch that mama making memories of her own.

Maybe I'll eventually be able to get rid of them all, one piece at a time, and we'll forever be connected through these threads of new motherhood moments and all the “firsts” woven into these clothes. Maybe one day, but not quite yet.

I’ll forever be able to tell you what Will wore the day we brought him home from the NICU - a little blue and white onesie, size “newborn”, that was still too big.

✨ Friday favorites…

🧖🏻‍♀️ This Avene Gentle Body scrub has become a staple in my Sunday night routine. It’s gentle but effective and hydrating, with the slightest rose scent.

📚 I’ve been reading “I’m So Glad You Were Born” to the boys since they were babies, and I can’t get through it without tearing up. It’s such a sweet message.

🍚 We made this Crispy Rice Salad last weekend. We paired it with a funky orange wine and some grilled pork for a perfect summer meal!

👯‍♀️ From one mom, to another…

Your words of wisdom, best piece of advice, and favorite hacks can make a difference in another mom’s journey. What has helped you survive this season? Email me to be featured in an upcoming newsletter.

❝  

“If you have young boys, the very best investment you can make is in a trampoline with a net. It’s where the majority of all wresting and rough-housing takes place in my household and it’s the perfect place for my little ones to get out some energy. We love the Spring Free brand!”

 Meagan M. - Houston, TX

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