I Really Don't Like Change

No. 91 - The tension between wanting to savor every moment and knowing nothing stays the same for long.

My boys laugh when I kiss them goodnight and say “Just stay little forever ok!”. Little do they know how serious I am.

Motherhood has taught me a lot about myself.

I’ve learned that I’m a really great multitasker, and I can tackle a to do list like no one’s business.

I’ve learned that I get very overstimulated when there’s too much noise, especially when one kid is yelling “mom, mom!” while the other is trying to tell me a story.

I’ve learned that my favorite thing in the world is a slow weekend morning with the whole family piled in my bed and a warm cup of coffee in my hand.

But the biggest thing I’ve learned? I really don’t like change.

My whole life I’ve prided myself on my ability to go with the flow, to react in the moment, to pivot.

Org changes at work? Learn, shift, adapt.

Move to a new city? Dive in, put myself out there, get invested in the community.

As a child we moved a lot. From Houston, to Atlanta, to Mexico City, to Louisville, and then back to Houston. I always carried that around like a badge of honor. I told myself I was adaptable. I loved new experiences. I loved new adventures. I was good with change.

But the second kids came around? I didn’t want a single thing in my life to change.

I don’t want my babies to grow up.

I don’t want our neighbors and friends to move away.

I don’t want to leave the wonderful daycare my kids have been at for the past five years when my son starts kindergarten next year.

A few years ago, we were in the process of buying a new house. It was only about ten miles away, maybe a thirty minute drive at most, and I was distraught for weeks. I was sad about leaving our first home. I was sad that my kids would be leaving their neighborhood where they walk down the street and wave to everyone they know. I was sad about being farther from my church.

Y’all, all of that drama for a move within the same city.

Motherhood has made me realize just how short our time is. Even the days that feel long, the ones where every request turns into a battle and you’re counting down the minutes until bedtime, even those days go by in the blink of an eye.

I’ve realized that some of the most precious people in your life are only around for a season. And in the most joyful moments, surrounded by everyone I love, I look around and I think to myself, “I don’t ever want this to change”.

But change is the only constant in life.

It brings with it both joy and heartache, so I’m doing my best to hold space for both emotions at the same time.

I’m appreciating the moments I’m in because I know just how fleeting they are.

I’m pausing to soak it all in, to look around and say, “wow I love this life”, while also being realistic about the fact that it won’t stay this way forever.

I’m giving myself space to look forward to what comes next, without feeling like that takes away from how much I treasure what I have right now.

For someone who always said she was up for an adventure, who dreamed about packing up and moving to Paris on a whim, motherhood has taught me something surprising. I actually want things to stay just the way they are, right here in this beautiful season of life.

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Happy Friday, Friends! I hope you all have a great weekend!

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