What the NICU Taught Me About Facing Motherhood’s Unknowns
No. 81 - Five years later, I’m still learning that the future unfolds one milestone at a time
My oldest son turned five years old this week. It’s been five whole years since he made his unexpectedly early entry into the world, and I really can’t believe how fast the time went.
It feels like just yesterday I was sitting in a hospital bed, exhausted and ready to go home, when they told us our baby would arrive 8 weeks early and whisked me off to an emergency c-section.
If I’m being honest, I don’t think I was as traumatized by the events as I could have been, or maybe I just haven’t fully processed it, even after all these years.
He was born during the pandemic, when life already felt strange and uncertain. His early arrival just felt like one more thing to add to the mix. He was my firstborn, and I had nothing to compare the experience to. I had never given birth before to know how an emergency c-section was different, and I had never held another newborn to realize just how fragile my sweet son’s little body was.
I don’t remember much about his time in the NICU, but I do remember that we had no idea what the future held, and no roadmap to get there. All I knew when I arrived at the hospital each morning was what our next milestone was: breathe without supplemental oxygen, take a full feed, go 24 hours without an A&B.
I worried constantly—if I was doing it right, if I was holding him enough, sitting at the hospital with him enough, if he was under the right care, gaining enough weight, if I should have tried to breastfeed. Every decision felt like it carried the weight of the world.
I’m in a similar season right now, not knowing what the future holds, and not having a roadmap to get there. He starts kindergarten next year, and I find myself anxious about all that lies ahead and stressed about the decisions I have to make.
Are we making the right choices for him? For both our kids? For family? For their future? Are we sending him to the right elementary school next year? Are we in the right neighborhood? The right city? Should I be working this much?
It all feels overwhelming, and like one misstep will leave irreparable damage or have a lasting impact.
But I have to stop and remind myself about those newborn days sitting in the NICU with no idea what lay ahead.
Our little NICU baby turned out strong, smart, beautiful, kind, and thoughtful, despite any of the plans I made before he was born, and despite any of the missteps I may have made since he arrived. As I face new decisions and new challenges in this next season of life, I need to remind myself to just take it one day, one milestone, one decision at a time.
It’s what we do as moms. We take what comes at us in strides. We make the best decisions in the moment, we rely on our resources, our grit, our inner strength, and our wisdom. We map out dreams for ourselves and our children, and we try our best to plan for the future. And when life throws us curveballs (which it inevitably will) we pivot, we evolve, and we take it one milestone at a time.
🌊 We watched this documentary this past week and it was absolutely heartbreaking, but really well done. I’d encourage everyone to check it out.
👁️ I started using an eye cream with retinol at night and it has been an absolute game changer in terms of minimizing fine lines and it’s been gentle enough for my sensitive skin.
🥗 If you’re looking for a delicious and simple salad to go with almost any main dish, you can’t go wrong with this one. I’ve made it over and over again and guests love it too.
Happy Friday! I hope you all have a great weekend! If you enjoyed today’s newsletter, I’d love it if you’d use the button below to refer a friend!
This brought me right back to that hospital room — the constant fear of doing something wrong, the weight checks, the milestones, all on top of first-time mom anxiety. So reassuring to see that while the fear and uncertainty resurface in new ways, the precious human who fought to be here is thriving because of (and not despite) the choices you’ve made.
Thanks Bri for sharing this beautiful read and the reminder. We often worry too much about now. But looking back, we realized how much have achieved. Be proud “We take what comes at us in strides.”
And only by looking back, we realize how fast time flies. A day feels like a year. But just a blink of the eyes, kids grow up. Thanks for this timely reminder.
Happy birthday to your son!