The Both And of Motherhood
No. 78 - Loving the milestones and missing the babies
No one warned me before I became a mom about the conflicting emotions I’d constantly feel.
It seems like an exaggeration to call it constant, but once I noticed it I started seeing it all throughout the day.
It started before they were even born. Towards the end of my pregnancy I was so ready to have my body back, for it to be my own again, but the minute they arrived I missed the nearness I felt when I was pregnant.
The second they wake up the house erupts. Feet hit the floor, cereal bowls clink, someone is already asking for a snack. It is absolute and utter chaos and noise. I love it. I live for it, but I also find myself begging for a little peace and quiet.
I want to be present for every single moment. They are growing up so fast and I don’t want to miss anything, but I also desperately need a nap.
I am jealous of any mom who gets to stay at home, who can volunteer for all the school events and never miss a performance, but I also get so excited from strategizing and launching new projects at work.
By the time the clock strikes 7:30 pm I am desperate for my boys to wind down and go to sleep, but as soon as they are tucked safely in bed I go back through pictures from our day and miss them.
My heart swells with pride at every new milestone they reach, but I also miss the snuggly babies they used to be.
I’m excited to watch them grow, but I am heartbroken to see their younger selves fade away.
I’m ready for the day they are more independent so they are not relying on me for everything from putting their shoes on to climbing in and out of the car, but I am also not ready for the day when they no longer need me.
I’m learning to accept the this and that of motherhood, the push and pull of these conflicting emotions. It is beautiful, but it is complex, and unlike anything I have ever experienced.
Maybe this is what motherhood really is — learning to hold joy in one hand, ache in the other, and loving them so fiercely that both can exist at the very same time.
🎲 We love board games but it’s hard to find ones that we can all play as a family. My MIL gifted us this path building game and this color matching game and everyone (even the 2 year old) has loved playing them.
💄 I’ve tried a lot of beauty products, but none have worked as well to cure my dry chapped lips as this overnight lip mask. You’ll be thankful to have it come winter!
👗 I’m obsessed with this athletic dress! It has built in athletic shorts, sports bra, and a pocket for your cell phone, and it comes in a ton of cute colors.
💌 Something that would help me a ton, is if you’d take 2 seconds to click the button below and share this with another mom friend!
Happy Friday, Friends!
I feel this so deeply too. The tug-of-war between wanting them to grow and wishing we could freeze time. It’s like our hearts are learning to expand wide enough to hold both the letting go and the holding on.