The Space Between Two Truths

No. 93 - A working mom’s honest look at wanting two things that don’t cancel each other out.

Earlier this week I had to travel to North Carolina for work. I left late Sunday night and didn’t get home until my kids were already asleep on Tuesday.

I didn’t want to fly out Sunday night. My kids had been gone all weekend with my parents, and I only got a few hours with them before heading to the airport. But also? If I’m honest? I was kind of excited to be going.

The trip itself wasn’t glamorous. I missed part of my weekend, got stuck in weather delays, crawled into bed at 1:30 a.m., and woke up a few hours later for an early meeting. It was hard and exhausting.

All day Monday I sat in a conference room, checking text updates from my husband and our nanny whenever I could, tearing up when I got the “we miss you mom, have a great day!” video.

On Tuesday, the kindergarten lottery opened, and I was reminded how thankful I am to have a spouse who is truly a partner, because there’s no way I could keep all the balls in the air alone. He handled everything so we could submit it on time, taking a huge piece of stress off my plate.

I missed the little pitter‑patter of feet running into my room to tell me good morning. But I also felt good getting dressed up, using my years of corporate experience, and working on things I care about. It’s energizing to feel valued in a space where my name isn’t “Mom,” “chauffeur,” or “chef.”

And that’s where the conflict hits. I don’t know how one person can feel so many emotions at once, but I can tell you that since I became a mom, I’ve lived in a constant swirl of them.

It’s almost like if I admit I enjoy my job, and that I love seeing my coworkers in real life, I’m somehow denying the part of me that aches to be home with my babies full‑time.

I want to be a badass in my career. I also want to be a full‑time mom. And it often feels like leaning too far into one means betraying the other. But that’s not the truth. I’m both. I’m allowed to be both. And I’m learning to hold that tension without apologizing for it.

Maybe the beauty is in saying: yes, I’d love to be a full‑time mom, and yes, I’m also really good at my career, and sometimes I even enjoy it. Yes, I’d love to volunteer for every school event and be at every swim practice, but I also love being able to pay for vacations and experiences for my kids.

My brain (and honestly society, too) keeps trying to treat these emotions as mutually exclusive, but they’re not. We can want all the things. We may not be able to do all the things at once, but that doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to feel the pull of each one.

Maybe that’s the real work of modern motherhood: learning to hold two truths at once without guilt. Letting ourselves want the career and the kids, the ambition and the softness, the boardroom and the bedtime snuggles.

We’re allowed to want all of it. And we don’t have to accept the narrative that only one thing can be true.

🩳 My youngest son hates wearing pants, and it’s a struggle to get him dressed for school when it’s cold. Thankfully, I found these sweatpants that he’ll actually wear, and I’ve bought them in every color!

🧴 You won’t find this hand cream on any gift guides or see it trending on social media, but it is absolute magic. I use it constantly in the winter to prevent dry cracked hands.

🎶 I’m The Grinch who doesn’t really love Christmas music on repeat, but my brother in law shared this groovy Christmas playlist with us and it’s actually really good and nice way to mix it up a bit. Check it out!

Welcome to new subscribers - Ruxandra C., Kirsten C., and Still Me, Mama. I’m so glad you’re here!

Happy Friday, Friends! I hope you all have a great weekend!

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