How Do You Know When You're Done Having Kids?
No. 97 - Do you really want another baby? Or are you just missing that season of life?
It’s been three years and three months since I delivered my last baby, my second child. Although we’re not fully out of diapers, we’re almost there, and life is starting to feel easier and lighter.
My kids are 3 and 5 now, and life is getting really fun. We’re no longer so constrained to nap schedules, and can leave the house most of the time with nothing but an extra pull-up and a water bottle. Long gone are the days of lugging around bottles, formula, teething toys, and multiple changes of clothes.
My kids are able to communicate their needs now, so I’m not frustratedly guessing what’s wrong when they’re upset (for the most part), and they’re really funny too, telling me all about their friends at school and repeating things they see and hear.
But I’ve started to wonder, what if we’re not done yet? What if I want just one more? How do you know when you’re done having kids? Do you ever feel fully done? And is it really another baby I want? Or am I just mourning a chapter of my life coming to a close?
I’ll be 37 in a few short months, much older than I was the first time I got pregnant. My OB-GYN tells me it would no longer be called a geriatric pregnancy, but rather an advanced maternal age pregnancy. Which sounds like a PR ploy for a society desperate for more babies from a generation having fewer kids each year. I had two high-risk pregnancies; could I even handle a third? And yet, even with all of that, the thought still tugs at me.
My boys would make extraordinary big brothers, and I think I’d be a kick-ass mom the third time around.
I tell myself I wouldn’t stress about things like what they’re eating, because let’s face it, every kid ends up on a diet of Goldfish, pizza, and cake at some point. I’m armed with all the tips and tricks I didn’t know as a newbie, like how to handle stuffy noses, diaper blowouts, and colicky babies like a champ. And I’d fully appreciate all of the little moments because I’m much more aware of how fleeting they are.
It feels like we’re moving into a new season of life. One filled with soccer practice, t-ball games, kindergarten, and sleepovers. And maybe that’s why this is all so bittersweet.
How can I bear the thought of never feeling the joy of another contact nap? Little hands wrapped around my finger. Seeing a big gummy smile and big bright eyes looking at nothing but you, their entire world.
How do you come to terms with never experiencing the thrill of first steps, first words, first bites of food again? Their newborn smell, the middle-of-the-night rocking while the house is quiet, those gurgly coos and giggles.
But then I look at the life right in front of me. I love our family of four. There’s one parent to one kid most of the time, and each of them gets plenty of our attention. It’s easy to travel, to all fit into one rental car, one hotel room, and around a table without having to pull up an extra chair.
And this is what I struggle with: do I actually want another baby? Or am I just sad at the reality that that chapter, that season of life, is over? Do I want to go through all of those moments again? The good and the bad of pregnancy, and the newborn phase? Or am I just sad about the fact that our life is changing?
How do you know? And do you ever really know?
📱I’m trying to spend less time mindlessly browsing social media, so we were influenced by my friend Courtney to buy the Brick. My husband and I have both been loving it! I’ve found the most success using it at night so I don’t wake up and scroll social media first thing, and also blocking social media apps during the work day.
🎨 If you’re trying to pick up a new hobby this year, I can’t recommend Skillshare enough. They have classes for everything from photography and watercolor to creative writing. I love that there’s a community on there to share your work with for feedback.
🎲 Another fun item if you’re trying to spend less time on your phone is Q-Less. It’s a solo player solitaire game, perfect to play while sipping your morning coffee!
Welcome to new subscribers - Julie L., Traci L., Drea D., Sabine M., Usha M., and Daishun F. I’m so glad to have you here!
Happy Friday, Friends! I hope you all have a great weekend!
From The Modern Motherhood Musings Archive:
After having two kids and being surrounded by other moms with two kids, this seems to be the hot topic!
My view is we don’t ever really know. I leave it up to fate and I think that gives me enough peace to not worry so much and cherish the moments with my little ones even more !
I’m new to substack and my writing focuses on parenting insights, would love to connect with you 😃🤲
I am 3 months postpartum with baby number 3 and my husband always asks me if I think this will be our last.
My answer is always the same, 'im not sure'
The thought of never experiencing this again is so heart breaking to think about but to be honest im not sure if I could handle another pregnancy.