When I Finally Started to Feel Like Myself Again After Becoming A Mom
No. 96 - Motherhood, Identity Shifts, and Becoming Someone New
I truly had no idea how much my life would change once I had kids. I’d even go as far as to say I was completely naive about what birthing a tiny human would mean for my life moving forward.
After having my firstborn, I was lost. We were just coming out of the pandemic. Our baby had a five-week NICU stay, I struggled going back to work, and I felt distant from my friends—many of whom hadn’t started having kids yet. It was the first time I realized that motherhood wasn’t just a new role; it was a full identity shift I hadn’t fully prepared for.
Not long after we finally started to get into the groove of parenting, I got pregnant with my second son, and we started the whole cycle over again.
My youngest is now three, and I’d say I didn’t start feeling like “myself” until this past year. But the more I think about what “myself” even means anymore, the more I realize something bigger happened. We’ve all heard other moms say, “It took me a while to feel like myself again,” but the truth is that “myself” isn’t the same version of me I was before having kids.
Maybe I feel like myself in the sense that I’m no longer too exhausted to go out to dinner with girlfriends, or that my husband and I can take a trip together while the kids stay with their grandparents and have a great time. I feel more like myself in the sense that I can acknowledge I don’t feel comfortable in my pre-baby clothes anymore—and that I’ve actually had fun building a wardrobe that fits this new me.
There’s such an identity shift that happens once we have kids. It’s impossible to be the same person you once were. How we spend our time, what we value, the friendships we lean on, everything changes.
I spent a long time going through the motions of motherhood: bottle feeding, sleep training, potty training, introducing solids, making sure they were reaching milestones. That season left little to no room for anything outside of work and caring for my family. Maybe the occasional get-together, but even that was usually with other moms.
Once my kids got a little older and there was finally a bit more margin in my days, I started to think about who I was and what this new version of me wanted. I suddenly had pockets of free time to fill with things that mattered to me.
Once I acknowledged I wasn’t the same person anymore, things slowly started to click.
I want our neighborhood to be a safe, thriving place for my kids to grow up, so I got involved in our neighborhood civic club.
I want policies that help and protect my kids, so I got involved in politics that fight for common-sense gun laws and women’s health rights. After two high-risk pregnancies, this became even more important to me.
I’ve loved the daycare where we send our children, so I joined the school board.
All of these things have felt like new adventures, and they’ve slowly made me feel like myself again. It’s not the same “self” I was before kids, and I’m actually okay with that.
Motherhood has made me braver, bolder, and more grounded in my purpose, and I don’t think I’d be this version of myself without it.
That’s the beauty of it all: we don’t return to who we once were—we grow and evolve into someone new. I didn’t know motherhood would change me this much, but I’m grateful for who I’ve become.
When did you start to feel like yourself again, and what did that even mean for you? Share in the comments so we can learn from each other.
👜 My aunt gave me this toiletry bag for Christmas and I’ve loved using it for our holiday travel. It opens up flat so you can see all of your items without having to unpack them, and then you just roll it back up!
🚂 I loved playing Santa this year, and we found some great things on Lakeshore Learning. The favorite’s were the Pipe Builders, Real Action Fire Engine, and Aircraft Carrier.
🥞 This French Toast Casserole was the perfect make ahead breakfast to have Christmas morning. I’ll definitely be making it again in the future!
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Happy Friday, Friends! I hope you all have a great weekend!
Thank you Bri for writing this—it captures something many mothers / dads feel but struggle to articulate. The way you describe realizing that “yourself” isn’t the same person you were before kids deeply resonated with me. That tension between longing for familiarity and slowly discovering a new sense of purpose feels so real. What struck me most is how your clarity didn’t come from reclaiming old pieces of life, but from choosing new forms of engagement—community, advocacy, leadership—that matched who you’d become. One thought your piece sparked for me is how rarely we name this transition as a kind of identity grief: not because the past self was better, but because letting go still requires mourning. I wonder how different parenthood might feel if we normalized not just “finding ourselves again,” but also honoring the selves we’ve outgrown.
“That’s the beauty of it all: we don’t return to who we once were—we grow and evolve into someone new.”
I have 5 kids throughout 9 years, and have went through seasons of feeling like myself, and seasons where I have not. My last baby was born 18 months ago, and while I've returned back to "myself"... that person is far different than who I was before. Writing is one of the things that has made me realize this. Good luck on your journey in finding who the "new you" is. It will be great!