The Multiple Emotions of Motherhood
No. 102 - Motherhood, mental load, and the emotions we learn to hold
The past few weeks have felt exhausting, a tiredness seeping into my bones. It’s the kind of tired you can’t quite shake, even in the midst of joy and time with family and travel and adventures and Super Bowl parties.
I stay up way too late doom scrolling, reading my Kindle for an escape, trying to reclaim a sliver of the day as my own.
The world feels heavy.
Deeply divided in a way I want to believe we’ll overcome, but I’m not sure we ever will.
The news feels heavier than it used to — story after story that sits in my chest long after I look away.
Large corporate layoffs.
Places and organizations I care about crumbling under the weight of years of supporting the community and a changing landscape.
I wake up tired, reminded of all the blessings that surround me when the pitter-patter of little feet comes running to greet me good morning and ask if they can help me make coffee.
I sleepily pack school lunches.
Sit behind a computer screen where we greet each other virtually and pretend everything is normal in the world. How can we go about our day as if everything is business as usual?
I set an alarm so I don’t miss summer camp sign-ups, stressed because I’ll be scrambling to find an alternate option if I do.
I didn’t meal plan or grocery shop this week, so dinner has been a combination of whatever I could scramble together from the freezer and Uber Eats deliveries after tee ball practice — something I’m not proud of.
I need to work out, but I’m too tired to go. It’s a chicken-or-the-egg situation. I know I’ll feel better if I do, but I can’t make myself do it.
Our sweet dog is getting older. Her vision and hearing are failing, so she’s stuck to me like glue. I think it’s out of fear. Her kidneys are failing, so she’s peed on the rugs more times than I can count this week, and I scrub the carpets with a mixture of irritation and heartbreak for this pup who has been my companion since I graduated college.
Life is so good. I have a roof over my head, a job, two incredible boys, and a community I couldn’t be more thankful for. We have family and vacations and dinners around the table filled with laughter. I get to read bedtime stories and feel little boys squeeze me tight after they say their prayers at night: “thank you God for another day, and please help dad get better at being a tee ball coach.”
And that’s the thing about motherhood. We feel everything so deeply.
The grief of the world. The joy of our kids. The exhaustion. The thankfulness. The anxiety about all the things beyond our control. The loneliness. The hope. The love.
I’m learning that surviving motherhood isn’t about controlling the emotions. It’s about letting them move through us — like waves — and trusting we’ll still be standing when they pass.
🏅 We’ve been loving watching The Olympics as a family. There’s so much wholesome content. I especially love this story about the friendship of two moms, and this story about a mother-son olympic duo. Mom power!
☀️ I’m obsessed with this body oil sunscreen from Supergoop! It smells like coconut, and has SPF 50.
🌯 My friend Jessica made these Southwestern Egg Rolls for the Super Bowl and they are SO good. A definite crowd pleaser.
Happy Friday, Friends! I hope you all have a great weekend!
From The Modern Motherhood Musings Archive:
Loved this. Really needed to see this today too. "I’m learning that surviving motherhood isn’t about controlling the emotions. It’s about letting them move through us — like waves — and trusting we’ll still be standing when they pass."
Thanks for sharing this. I love the realism you bring and how you touch on embracing multiple emotions existing at once. We can be annoyed and grieving. We can be tired and count blessings. All of that is valid and worth of space in our hearts.